French Kiss

The best thing about being single and open minded is that you give yourself opportunities to end up in the strangest situations. For example? Accepting an invitation to a party from a French person you only formally met through Facebook. Why? I really was free that night.

So I dragged my best friend along and found ourselves in the 14th floor of a condominium occupied by French foreign exchange students drinking and chatting in the one european language I never got around to learn. Even the person who invited me there was a stranger to me, and I had to put on my best foreigner mingling skills, with added difficulty due to the language barrier. We survived--uncomfortable and misplaced-- but we survived.

THE NEXT DAY:
I find myself being the only Filipina amongst 4 Frenchies having some drinks in a bar. Misplaced again, I struggle to keep up with the conversation. Felt like their little toy. They were showing me how the French like to smoke and drink and just have a good time.

And they showed me how to French kiss.

There's a HUGE difference in culture between French and Filipinos. From the food we eat, to the language, to the standard social customs. To them a kiss is just a kiss and nothing more. The French girl leaned over and kissed me on the lips, right after kissing the 2 boys beside me, with her French boyfriend right next to her. They were drunk from all their Bangenges and I was cold sober (as I always am during these situations). I was just thoroughly amused at the situation, and at the same time the back of my head was telling me they were just fooling around with my ignorant non-french-speaking self. But it was educational for me, so it didn't matter.

So yeah. French Kiss now crossed of my list.

Adding new things to my Life's to-do list:

• Meet a French maid
• Meet a German shepherd
• Eat Swiss chocolate
• Drink Dutch milk
• French kiss

Any more ideas?

Somewhere in the Middle

I've always been a middle type of person-- middle child, average height, medium shirt size, even my hair now is mid-length. When I used to take personality tests in those teen magazines I would always end up with a result that fell between the 2 extreme scores. Even when it comes to friendship, I'd rather be the mediator than one of the 2 parties arguing.

Anyway what I really wanted to share is that I love being a middle class citizen. My family isn't what I would call financially thriving. We live in a simple house in Marikina, own 2 overused cars, 2 household helpers, never had a driver (my dad would drop us to school and pick us up every single day). My mom always taught me to stick to the basic necessities and boy, did I stick to that philosophy as I grew older. My friends who know me well enough know that I like to keep my life as simple as possible. I'm not exactly the best person to shop with at the mall cuz I'd probably just make you feel guilty about everything you buy for over P500. It happens.

A friend and I were chatting earlier about what to do with our lives. He recommended that i walk the corporate road for at least 2 years before I go on my own and start my own business or whatever. And I know he's right. But right now I'm still too young and idealistic to work for the sake of money. i told him that I don't mind what I'm doing for as long as it involves one or all of the ff: travel, sports, environmental and social responsibility. I want to do what they call Social Entrepreneurship, which basically refers to a business whose primary aim is some social/environmental good, apart from profit. And then there was the idea of making some luxury product that can only be afforded by the upper class, and then letting the proceeds go to some better cause. Sort of like what Starbucks is doing. I call it the modern-day Robin Hood method.

Apart from the youth, I think the hope of the nation lies in the middle class. You talk about the widening gap between A and E? Well C is that bridge. We have the advantage of seeing both perspectives from an unbiased position. I know that I don't want to be excessively rich, but I don't want to be poor either. I don't understand why everyone seems to be aiming for a spot on the very tiny tip of the social triangle, when there's so much space right below it.

Aristotle describes the key to happiness as the Golden Mean -- which is the desirable middle between two extremes, one of excess and the other of deficiency. In other words, it's about finding the balance between opposites. Even the Spice Girls had it all figured out when they said "Too much of something is bad enough". if it's anything I learned from my Philosophy of Morality classes, it's that.

What's my point? I guess I just want everyone to be happy where they are. For millions of people around the world, 3 full meals a day is all they have (and need) to be thankful for.

God, I still don't know what to do with my life.

Flying through Liquid Skies

Whenever someone asks me what one super power I could have, it was always Flying.

The most common question I get when someone finds out I was a Pole Vaulter: WHY POLE VAULTING of all sports?
My answer? It's the closest I'll ever get to flying.

And then someone asked me what I like most about scuba diving:
It's the closest I'll ever get to flying.

And you'll probably get the same answer when you ask a wakeboarder, a surfer, a gymnast, and maybe even a dancer. What is with my obsession with it? It's not like I ever wanted to be a pilot or an astronaut.

To explain it would probably be as difficult a surfer explaining the feeling of "Stoked". That's for a different blog altogether. Although maybe it is the same feeling. I don't know.

I just enjoy the feeling of going against obvious laws of Physics, or being in the air, even for a split second. With scuba diving, it's a very trippy feeling to be gliding over caverns, scaling 100ft walls of corals and fish, and just floating in infinite blue space. "Liquid skies" is the best term for it.

I had just came from an amazing dive trip at Apo Reef in Occidental Mindoro where we interrupted the underwater world and took a peak at the millions of species living in perfect harmony under the ocean surface. From green sea turtles to white tip reef sharks, to tuna much bigger than myself, it was yet another overwhelming experience to be down there. I truly love the feeling of flying through the liquid skies with them, in a world very far from my own, where you are totally vulnerable in the arms of Mother Nature herself.

Yesterday I went to mass on my own cuz it was easter and my parents were expecting me to go. I went into the very packed church (in my post-beach, post-12hour-travel attire) and stood in the crowd for about 10 uncomfortable minutes. I ended up stepping out and spending time in the chapel where they keep the exposed Blessed Sacrament. I always preferred that place in the church. So there I sat on my own, in complete silence, saying a very sincere THANK YOU to God for simply putting me on this earth, giving me a chance to witness the limitless wonders of His creation.

On Religion

It's interesting to read your own views 3 years ago, simply because you read on where you used to stand, and how it modifies itself after time. With Religion, which will always be a touchy subject no matter where you're from, I've always remained as open-minded as possible. We will never know the Absolute Truth until the moment we die. The idea is how we live our daily lives. Some find their happiness in Christ and the Bible, some follow the teachings of Buddha, and some choose to find it their own self-ruled lives. I believe in Love, and every flowery happy thing about it. It's all you need. It makes the world go round. And it is a many-splendored thing. At the end of every day, it's what makes me happy.
It's just not always easy.

Livejournal Post dated Jan 18, 2004 but still very much applicable today.

I just came from the 8pm mass in Christ the King. Once again i am inside the great Church on a Sunday to fulfill my weekly obligation as a catholic.
Is it really worth going to mass if you don't listen, you don't even sit inside the church, and if you're not even sure you believe in God in the first place?

I amuse myself. I don't pray at night--actually I hardly pray at all... my faith is as stable as a pyramid of elephants balancing on a ball. (i just watched Dumbo onDisney!Ü) I amuse myself because I still make it a point to attend mass everySunday.

Today i went to mass with my parents, my mom's mom who's visiting from the states, and my sister. For once, we sat on the pews. we were late once again though. (I don't recall the last time we ever made it to mass on time.) On the way to mass, I kept thinking to myself : we live in Marikina, yet we always choose to go toChrist the King instead of the churches near the house. Why? Convenience? Not quite. Well there's the aircon, the english speaking priest, and more chances of seeing a familiar face. But then don't these all defeat the purpose of worship? Whatever happened to sacrifice? It's not like i can even understand the priest right? I wonder how far religion will reach as time passes.. as the years go by, more and more people lose meaning in religion because of all the new ideas and philosophies the modern world is bringing.

Anyway this Sunday i realized why I still choose to attend this monotonous supposed celebration. Its one place i can gather my thoughts and think. Every time I'm in mass, my mind wanders off to places light years away.. sort of like the thoughts you get before you sleep. Its during mass that i have time to reflect on the events that have happened to me lately, the peopleI've been with, and my current state. So yes, the church has in its own way become my sanctuary and source of reflection... its always healthy to reflect on yourself once in a while.

I cant say i believe in god. Does that make me so bad a person? When i pray, its always, "if You're really there, thanks for everything."

During our 4th year retreat in Baguio, Fr Ed talked about how life is all about relationships... that there are 3 relationships you have to take care of as you live: first there's God up above. the second is the people around you, and the third is your relationship with yourself. Your goal is to maintain these relationships. And so i realized how I naturally chose to live--I take good care of the two concrete relationships: others and myself. These are what are here now. And so i still uphold the same values the church teaches about love of neighbors and yourself. I guess the only difference is my unknown relationship with god. Does that make me evil? One can never know.

I wanna be a taoist. The inner peace thing makes so much more sense. You don't focus on a god but rather, people. Also, if millions of people all over the world believe in ideas like reincarnation and nirvana, what makes them so wrong? I just don't fully agree when people say Christianity is the only way to salvation. But i doubt I'm changing religion.. don't see much reason why id waste time doing so.

I think religion is man's answer for the questions meant not to be answered. I think man created religion to give a reason for living, to give him direction towards a certain goal he's not even sure exists. We all need one.

Supernatural:
No experiences whatsoever. I have no idea if ghosts exist. one thing i do know, if i encounter a ghostly experience that I'm sure was something unreal, my wandering faith will definitely find its destination.

Here's what i DO believe: there's a reason for everything. I don't know if there's someone out or UP there that controls the events in our lives but i know things happen for a reason. The challenge is finding out what that reason is :)


Sometimes I just wish I could die already so that all my questions would be answered. But of course, I'm happy. I don't think i'm a "lost soul". I hardly ever think about these things. there's no point in questioning all the time. I just let my life pass and make the most out of it while its still in the palm of my hand. So for those who keep searching for those answers, stop wasting your time. They will come to you eventually.

hehe.. i can be prophetic after all...

if someone can prove me wrong, by all means, please do.

Personal Convictions

loveIn a paper written for Theology class dated JUNE 27, 2006.

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My Personal Convictions

At age 20, you’ve supposedly just surpassed the awkward stage of adolescence, where you search far and wide for that identity you never seemed to have. You’ve graduated grade school and high school, where you learn about Science, Math, Civics and Culture, and of course, Christian Living. You now know what “peer pressure” is, not because of your D.A.R.E. classes, but from actual experience. You’ve tried to love and probably lost it, and in turn, you keep trying to get Love figured out. You’ve questioned what or who God is several times over and of course, the inevitable search for the meaning of life.

I’ve done all of this of course. All my years growing up have taught me all sorts of lessons. My perception of what’s right and wrong has modified itself too many times over. I’ve learned that there are so many incidents in life where circumstance dictates what’s right and wrong. Many situations are relative, and the line between right and wrong grows thinner by the day. Even my perception of God is cloudy. To me, God is that Supreme Being, the Universal Spirit that is the sole purpose for everything that occurs. He comes in several names: Christ, Buddha, Brahma, etc. I think what all beliefs have in common is Love. God is LOVE.

I’d like to think I am spiritual, but I am not so religious. I am not a very devout Catholic. Honestly, I hardly pray at night. The only religious thing I am still doing is attending mass every Sunday with my family. I hardly attend confession and I haven’t opened the Bible in a very long time. I also do not believe that one will go to hell if he does not believe in Jesus Christ, because I believe in the natural goodness of people. I believe that a person can still be a good person even if he does not attend mass on Sundays, or if he doesn’t open the Bible. I’ve learned that there are 3 relationships you juggle in life: one with God, with others, and yourself. I’ve been focusing more on the latter two; I have yet to find a solid relationship with God.

Although my relationship with God is quite vague, I do have my personal convictions, and these beliefs are what I have stood for, and what guides my decisions.

• I believe in TRUTH and HONESTY above all others. I try my best to avoid lying. I believe that the need to lie simply means there is something wrong with your relationship with that person. I try not to give myself any reason to lie to people. Goodness is Truthful, because we are naturally inclined toward the good. Everything follows from there.
• I stand for SIMPLICITY because it is NATURAL. I love nature, and the environment. I am actively against pollution and wasting resources. I look down upon technological dependence and urban living. I choose not to spend on useless belongings, especially when it comes to fashion and gadgets, unless absolutely necessary. I shop once in a blue moon solely at tiangges (Divisoria!), and I avoid make-up.
• I believe in doing things that make me GROW as a person. I believe in developing talents and skills, and making the most out of every situation.
• I believe that it is good to stand back and reflect about things, to not always be swayed by the flowing river of modern living.
• It is absolutely necessary to respect every living creature—animals, plants, and especially human beings.
• I will NEVER spend for vices. Alcohol, rarely.
• I have no right to complain about my life, for I try to keep in mind that there are millions of people who have it a lot worse. I am forever GRATEFUL for all my blessings.

All that one needs to survive the ever changing road of life (Taken from my personal journal):

1. HONESTY. To others and especially myself.
2. AN OPEN MIND. I know that I do NOT know (everything). (Socrates)
3. LOVE. The genuine concern for others.
4. CONVICTION. As mentioned above
5. PATIENCE. Patience is everything.

I am just about to embark on the 2^nd quarter of my life, and I still have so much to learn. I hope my personal convictions hold true to the many tests that lie ahead. So help me God, wherever or whoever You may be.

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Introduction

This is my first entry into this blog. I'm not new at internet blogging. I've had an account on Livejournal since 2003, which is still active and updated every now and then. However, I'll be posting my more serious thoughts on this blog... the thoughts I have while driving through Metro Manila's traffic, doing my 20min runs, sitting on the toilet, spacing out during mass, or simply spacing out whenever (as I do that quite often).

This is my perspective-- a female, 23 year old middle class Filipino citizen living in the heart of Metro Manila, Philippines. A college graduate from Ateneo de Manila, a former National Team athlete, an absolute nature and outdoors lover--scuba diving, adventure racing, surfing, wakeboarding, wallclimbing, windsurfing, sailing, swimming, running, hiking, camping... I've tried and loved it all. An extrovert and/or introvert depending on my mood, where I am, and who I'm with. Like everyone else, I enjoy watching films and reading books about life, love, and anything that sparks my interest at that given point in time.

At 23 and done with school, and I have just stepped through the doors of adulthood, trying my luck in my first Marketing job in a hip and fun retail company, and still searching for opportunities that will ultimately lead to my main purpose for being born on this specific century in history, in this struggling country, and on this particular diminishing planet. Everything has a purpose--if its anything I believe, it's that.

... Always in search of something (and someone) refreshingly weird and anything different to surprise me and challenge the way I look at the world, which will probably be the reason behind every new article posted here.

Who knows? It might make a difference... one way or another.