Honing the People Skills

"Masyado kang mataas." (You're too high)

I finally sat down with my superior to discuss all the underlying issues concerning my performance (or lack thereof) in the company and our working relationship-- a heart-to-heart discussion I've been waiting for since I started working on my own, not knowing what the hell to do half the time.

So it turns out she wasn't clear as to what my role was, and neither was I. I was to report to her and to our President, but would end up talking to the President only since he was the one who consistently asked for updates. Apparently she was also waiting for me to come to her... we were waiting for each other.

She also didn't know how to handle me. She rules the office with an iron fist, telling everyone else what to do, scolding for mistakes, etc. But she never talked to me, never asked me what I was working on, where I was going, nada. She was under the impression that I felt I need not report to her since I could go straight to the big boss. She, and the rest of the office, were intimidated by me.

If in the US they worry about discrimination based on race or gender, here in the Philippines its all about the socio-economic heiarchy. The cancer of our society lies between the relationship between those more "well-off" and those who "have less options available to them". (Note the political correctness). It may also be between the english speakers and the tagalogs or the bisaya. Or maybe its between Ateneo and Lasalle vs the rest of the collegiate world. Whatever the main barrier is, it has to do with money and the culture differences brought about the availability (or shortage) of it.

I have always considered myself a middle-class citizen. To be more technical about it, maybe upper middle class. I don't live in a private subdivision, we own 2 cars, and I can't afford anything at Zara (or I choose not to purchase anything expensive.) I've always been in the frugal side when it comes to consumer choices.

So I had English as my first language. My parents also managed to enroll me in the better private schools, where I met most of my friends who belonged to the upper layers of the social pyramid. I stuck to english-speakers simply because I could communicate better. But when it comes to money issues, they know I'm just a cheap ass who'd rather eat in the food court than one of the restaurants upstairs. And I always viewed myself as someone who was more versatile when it came to people.

And so I was taken aback by my boss' comment, somewhat offended and amused at the same time. For the 11 months I've been in the company, I could not relate to anyone-- the english speaking upper management seemed too cool and consumeristic to have a real conversation, and the rest of the office, well, just didn't talk to me... for whatever reason.

And so I made the effort to break the ice by joining some of the staff in an after-work inuman in Edsa Central. Of course they were shocked to see "Ms. Mika" there with them, and I honestly had no idea how to place myself there. It's not that I considered myself higher than them at all. Heck, I was younger than ALL of them. I just had no idea to relay the message that I could hang out with them just like anyone else, without appearing too trying-hard nor condescending. As much as I stand for equality among anything else, I had no idea how to establish that with them. I was friggin out of place.. like I was back in high school.

The only reason I'm writing about this is because I haven't been placed out of my comfort zone in a while, and this is definitely one of those fortunate learning moments. Sure I had and still have nothing to talk about with them, but hopefully the mere fact that I sat down and shared a beer with them (even if I don't drink beer) is a good enough first step to melt the unnecessary ice.

Maybe next time I can bring out my corny jokes.

French Kiss

The best thing about being single and open minded is that you give yourself opportunities to end up in the strangest situations. For example? Accepting an invitation to a party from a French person you only formally met through Facebook. Why? I really was free that night.

So I dragged my best friend along and found ourselves in the 14th floor of a condominium occupied by French foreign exchange students drinking and chatting in the one european language I never got around to learn. Even the person who invited me there was a stranger to me, and I had to put on my best foreigner mingling skills, with added difficulty due to the language barrier. We survived--uncomfortable and misplaced-- but we survived.

THE NEXT DAY:
I find myself being the only Filipina amongst 4 Frenchies having some drinks in a bar. Misplaced again, I struggle to keep up with the conversation. Felt like their little toy. They were showing me how the French like to smoke and drink and just have a good time.

And they showed me how to French kiss.

There's a HUGE difference in culture between French and Filipinos. From the food we eat, to the language, to the standard social customs. To them a kiss is just a kiss and nothing more. The French girl leaned over and kissed me on the lips, right after kissing the 2 boys beside me, with her French boyfriend right next to her. They were drunk from all their Bangenges and I was cold sober (as I always am during these situations). I was just thoroughly amused at the situation, and at the same time the back of my head was telling me they were just fooling around with my ignorant non-french-speaking self. But it was educational for me, so it didn't matter.

So yeah. French Kiss now crossed of my list.

Adding new things to my Life's to-do list:

• Meet a French maid
• Meet a German shepherd
• Eat Swiss chocolate
• Drink Dutch milk
• French kiss

Any more ideas?