Onward to 2010

Hello new year. Once again it's time to get things into perspective.. to once again look back at the past year, whether or not I accomplished what I set out to do.. and then plan for the year ahead.

So to recap my 2009 goals based on last year's recap:

• Keep your hair short -- CHECK
• Take care of your relationships: Love, family, friends -- CHECK?
• Make more friends -- CHECK
• Find a new sport/hobby -- Salsa! Badminton! Check!
• Get a tattoo -- Every year this is here.. every year unchecked.
• Stay fit -- run more -- Well, I lost weight if that's good news.
• Stick to no beef/pork diet - CHECK.. with the occasional must-try meals
• Save money -- BUDGET -- CHECK
• Find alternative ways to earn money -- CHECK
• LOCATIONS: Sagada, Vigan, Pagudpud, Lanuza, Samar, Siquijor -- DIDN'T GO TO ANY OF THE ABOVE

Okay, so at least I can say I got most goals checked. One technique to accomplishment is to keep your goals simple and realistic.  Helps me not feel like such a fat failure too.

SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS of 2009

1. Left Stoked (Aug)
2. A taste of the provincial life with one month in Siargao (Oct)
3. Made an enemy in the surf (July)
4. Smart Ad (paid for my unemployed months)
5. Tara, Alexis and Nika (Rest in peace) (Sept)
6. Trip to Singapore with Bri (June)
7. New laptop (July)
8. Trip to Bali with Abe (Feb)
9. Getting into salsa and dancing for the Manila International Salsa Festival (June - Nov)
10. Winning 4th at the MSA comp (Jan)
11. Typhoon Ondoy destroys Manila (Sept)

Not bad for 2009.. not much either. A year of tragedies and little achievements.

So reality check for 2010: I have a new job and not that much money.  What can I do this year?

• Do your absolute best with the new job (Try getting promoted within one year!)
• Trips already booked: KL-Vietnam-Bangkok in March, another month in Siargao in October
• Paris and other spots in Europe for 2 months? (July-Aug)
• Keep your eyes open for money-making opportunities, or ANY opportunities
• Invest in ASSETS (Thank you, Rich Dad)
• Stay healthy, stay fit
• Keep in touch with friends
• If you want to go do something, JUST DO IT.
• Keep smiling
• Get into more volunteer nonprofit work (at least one project!)

There you have it.. simple.. reasonable.. attainable. Good luck to me, and good luck to us all.

Resignation

June 10, 2009

Dear Boss,

As much as I'd like to spice up this letter with hifalutin openings and what not, I'll just go on and say that I would like to formally resign from my position in the company. I want to thank you for giving me this opportunity-- for introducing and immersing me into the world of retail. I have definitely learned a great deal about the business, and at the same time had my fair share of fun, and I thank you for that.

It probably doesn't come to you as a surprise that I'm resigning. I do have plans of studying again, but I also need to find other ways to earn more, and I honestly don't see how much growth can happen if I stick with the company. I also know that as much as I enjoyed being a part of this company, it is not the field I see myself working in the long term, for my deepest passions lay elsewhere.

Of course I'll make sure to finish whatever pending business I have right now, and I'll help find an even better replacement.

Again thank you and I apologize for whatever inconvenience this might cause you or the company.

Sincerely,

Mika

---------------------
Phew. I think that'll do.

SENT.

Now what?

To Quit or Not to Quit

So I've been seriously contemplating suicide over the last few weeks and... oh wait did I say suicide? I meant to say RESIGNING FROM MY JOB. Its funny how you can so easily interchange the two as they seem so alike to some.

Anyway, I've been seriously contemplating quitting already. Allow me to write down all the contemplation thoughts, for it might just lead to a decision. You never know.

The good news is that I know what I want my next step to be: To experience short-term living in another country, and to study a course that will equip me with the proper skills needed to really do what I want to do.

In other words, STUDY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

Don't get me wrong. Unlike some kids with the same goal, I have every intention of coming back home, to use everything I learned to better my own country somehow. I just feel I NEED to get out to a foreign land and live on my own -- to adjust to a new way of life, hundreds of miles away from my comfort zone that is the Philippines. I know so many people who've done it, and I can't help but be jealous.

In fact, I've decided the best means for me to live in another country is through study and not work, because it has more assurance that I return home after.

And so I've been using our crappy (but free, nonetheless) internet connection in the office for research on schools, courses and scholarship opportunities for the ff courses:

International Sustainable Tourism Development,
Natural Resource Management,
and similar courses thereafter.

It's quite difficult when you have these questions in mind:

1. Which country do you choose? I've been leaning towards Australia, but Hawaii or anywhere else wouldn't be bad either. Just anywhere but the US and the chinese countries really.
2. How in the world do you determine which school to apply to? Every school will claim to be the best if you look online.
3. How in the world am I going to pay for this? Scholarship hunting, here I come.

So first things first. These are things I can do as early as now.

1. Get your diploma and Transcript from Ateneo.
2. Apply for TOEFL or IELTS, pay $170, and pass the goddamn test with flying colors.
3. Keep on looking.

NOW, the question is, can or should I quit my job already?

YES, because 1, it's getting you nowhere, and will get you nowhere;
and 2, it's taking up time that you could use making these applications;

NO, because 1, it's your only constant source of income at the moment.

This is what's gonna happen if I stay with my job:

• I'll continue to go to work everyday from 6-9pm, feel like an idiot at the office, and get paid.
• I get my very first calling card. (Big whoop)

And if I quit,

• From "Wow, you work at Stoked? That's so cool!", to "You left Stoked!?! WHY?!?!!!!"
• I will have to look for other ways to earn while filing my applications, which won't even guarantee instant enrollment. I could be idle for a very long time. Alternate temporary options: commercial modeling, travel writing, teaching surfing
• No more free trip to Siargao
• No more free wakeboarding
  

If it's anything I'm thankful for, it's the people I've met, indirectly thanks to my job. I wouldn't have been exposed to the surfing, skating, and wakeboard world (although I know I'd still be doing these things). If I didn't work at Stoked, I would never have proposed to Abe that night of the Aloha opening. So many things I'm thankful for, so no regrets whatsoever.


... I need to talk to my mother and ask her what she thinks. Unfortunately, her opinion does, and always will matter. But she's always wanted me to quit this job and find other options abroad. I just wonder if she'll allow me to quit with nothing sure to fall back on.

...

This is why people pray for guidance.

Evaluated

After more than a year in this company, I finally went through my first evaluation as an employee. Apparently the system here allows a numerical grading system to rate my performance based on certain job descriptions on my contract.

How did I do? I got a 2.5 which is AVERAGE, meaning I meet expectations.

What did I expect? Lower than that, to be honest.

For many weeks now I've been frustrated with this job not because it wasn't fun... not because I find it difficult or stressful. On the contrary, I find it to be to unchallenging, too unstressful, and just plain easy. Yet despite finding my job easy, I still scored a measly 2.5 out of a perfect 5.

Strengths (accdg to my boss)
- fast learner, can quickly understand concepts and instructions, reliable for the most part.

Weaknesses
- still quite the rookie at times, needs to try and initiate more or assert herself
- too easily distracted at times.

Areas for Further Development
- Plan, Prioritize and Execute... weekly, monthly, annually
- Always aim for the best results

Allow me to just vent out my inner reactions....

1. I don't have a system. No daily or weekly schedule to follow, no reports to submit on a regular basis.
2. No one taught me how to do my friggin job!! On the areas they did teach me what to do, I perform FINE.
3. I know I can do WAY better than that. God.

And to think I've been looking for other options already. This job won't earn me any savings. And it seems like the only way to be earning a comfortable rate is if I friggin own the company. But then should I leave knowing I didn't even perform well at this job... ? I've always been the type to aim for good grades and to impress the superiors, which is why this frustrates me.

It's like getting a C in History because you weren't there for the lecture before the exam.

So what to do from here?
Well for as long as I'm still in the company, I told myself I'd make the most out of it. Being a rookie is NOT an excuse! A lot of the above are also my fault and I'm well aware of that. So here's my next list:

NOTES-TO-SELF to do better in this job:
1. Formulate a FULL to-do list (think of more things to do apart from what they tell you)
2. If you're stuck doing nothing, GO TO A STORE
3. Visit each store at least once every month
4. Bring a notebook and pen to note ideas
5. FOLLOW UP on those ideas when you get back to the office.
6. Initiate your OWN weekly/monthly reports.
7. During events, clarify your role and to-do's.
8. ASK questions.
9. SUCK UP to the boss, for once.

..........
10. Find other options.

25 Things I didn't Post on Facebook

Everyone in the social networking world including myself shared 25 random facts about themselves. The more entertaining your list, the better. Of course there are millions of random tidbits I could write -- some useless, some funny, some just plain random.

I just want to do it again, without the pressure of having to delight whoever will read it. Here goes...

1. I once stopped liking a guy when I found out he didn't enjoy desserts.
2. I am a horrible sister. I'm nice to everyone in the world except my sister. I'm improving as we're getting older, thank God.
3. I hate wasting time. I should clarify that doing nothing doesn't necessarily mean wasting time. Wasting time is doing something for a reason you don't even like or need.
4. I don't wear watches because they make me feel constrained.
5. I live by the philosophy that I was very fortunate to be born in a comfortable sphere. I didn't do anything to deserve that (unless you believe in past lives), just as people who are born into poverty didn't deserve it either. Now I try to live my life in such a way that'll make me worthy to have everything I was blessed with.
6. I am my own worst critic. I used to record my singing voice and dissect what was wrong. I also do it with performance videos and articles I write. I want to be the first to pinpoint faults before other people do. But I'm always open to criticism from others. If there's something you don't like about me, for the love of God, just tell me.
   
7. I've realized lately that I do believe in the concept of God-- that that which nothing greater can be thought. God is responsible for everything that is out of my control. Call him a spirit, a force, a friend or a Father, I just know that I didn't get to where I am on my own, and I thank "God" for that. And I think everyone's relationship with "God" is different.
   
8. My pager number was 1277-13190. My ICQ number was 14145391. And I remember when our landline number was 702979 and 786382 (only 6 digits)
   
9. One day I will shave my head. I will I will I will.
10. I have nothing but respect for those who work with charities and NGOs. How I wish I had your courage to follow your passion.
11. I have always suffered from the conflict of my skills vs interests. I was always better at Math, but I wish I was better at art.
12. Right now I'm not doing anything to alleviate the less fortunate, but I try to compensate by living as simply as possible. I don't know if that helps, but it's all I can do for now.
    
13. My whole life I've been told I was pretty, therefore I spent my entire life trying to prove there's more to me than that.
14. The most I've cried in my entire life was when my shih tzu named Checkers was dognapped from our house. He was my first dog and I was 10 when we got him. Up to now I still have dreams that he shows up at our doorstep.
15. How can I be good at business when I have no desire to make a lot of money?
16. I would kiss a rat before even touching a cochroach.
17. I wish I could live under the sea forever. If you haven't seen a thriving Philippine coral reef 80ft under the ocean surface, you haven't seen anything.
18. I don't date perfect looking guys. Ok, maybe just ONE date, but that's about it.
    
19. I don't like swimming pools unless they're deep with a good diving board. Otherwise it's just plain boring.
    
20. If I don't sweat massively or do anything physically strenuous at least once a week, I get grumpy.
21. I thoroughly enjoy the company of the "weird".
22. I don't carry a makeup pouch in my bag, but I always have bandaids.
23. I miss pole vaulting and I wish that non-basketball sports careers were an actual option in this country.
24. I have this theory that the amount of space in our brain is a fixed number. As more information comes in, others are pushed out. But there are memories that were embedded early enough for them to be stacked in so deep that they'll never go away. It also explains why I would read so many encyclopedia-type books as a child--I was trying to fill the empty space in my brain. And now that I'm older, I don't have that same thirst for knowledge... although I still try. It's harder to learn things as you get older.
    
25. I deeply appreciate the education I got from Ateneo, I just wish the values they tried to emphasize could be instilled in every graduate. I still wish I took up Marine Biology for college.
    

Honing the People Skills

"Masyado kang mataas." (You're too high)

I finally sat down with my superior to discuss all the underlying issues concerning my performance (or lack thereof) in the company and our working relationship-- a heart-to-heart discussion I've been waiting for since I started working on my own, not knowing what the hell to do half the time.

So it turns out she wasn't clear as to what my role was, and neither was I. I was to report to her and to our President, but would end up talking to the President only since he was the one who consistently asked for updates. Apparently she was also waiting for me to come to her... we were waiting for each other.

She also didn't know how to handle me. She rules the office with an iron fist, telling everyone else what to do, scolding for mistakes, etc. But she never talked to me, never asked me what I was working on, where I was going, nada. She was under the impression that I felt I need not report to her since I could go straight to the big boss. She, and the rest of the office, were intimidated by me.

If in the US they worry about discrimination based on race or gender, here in the Philippines its all about the socio-economic heiarchy. The cancer of our society lies between the relationship between those more "well-off" and those who "have less options available to them". (Note the political correctness). It may also be between the english speakers and the tagalogs or the bisaya. Or maybe its between Ateneo and Lasalle vs the rest of the collegiate world. Whatever the main barrier is, it has to do with money and the culture differences brought about the availability (or shortage) of it.

I have always considered myself a middle-class citizen. To be more technical about it, maybe upper middle class. I don't live in a private subdivision, we own 2 cars, and I can't afford anything at Zara (or I choose not to purchase anything expensive.) I've always been in the frugal side when it comes to consumer choices.

So I had English as my first language. My parents also managed to enroll me in the better private schools, where I met most of my friends who belonged to the upper layers of the social pyramid. I stuck to english-speakers simply because I could communicate better. But when it comes to money issues, they know I'm just a cheap ass who'd rather eat in the food court than one of the restaurants upstairs. And I always viewed myself as someone who was more versatile when it came to people.

And so I was taken aback by my boss' comment, somewhat offended and amused at the same time. For the 11 months I've been in the company, I could not relate to anyone-- the english speaking upper management seemed too cool and consumeristic to have a real conversation, and the rest of the office, well, just didn't talk to me... for whatever reason.

And so I made the effort to break the ice by joining some of the staff in an after-work inuman in Edsa Central. Of course they were shocked to see "Ms. Mika" there with them, and I honestly had no idea how to place myself there. It's not that I considered myself higher than them at all. Heck, I was younger than ALL of them. I just had no idea to relay the message that I could hang out with them just like anyone else, without appearing too trying-hard nor condescending. As much as I stand for equality among anything else, I had no idea how to establish that with them. I was friggin out of place.. like I was back in high school.

The only reason I'm writing about this is because I haven't been placed out of my comfort zone in a while, and this is definitely one of those fortunate learning moments. Sure I had and still have nothing to talk about with them, but hopefully the mere fact that I sat down and shared a beer with them (even if I don't drink beer) is a good enough first step to melt the unnecessary ice.

Maybe next time I can bring out my corny jokes.