For the Stranger

I was thinking of deleting my Multiply account for obvious reasons. But then I went through its contents and found stuff definitely NOT worth throwing away. This blog entry is one of them.

For The Stranger

I step out of the comfort of my home and there you are.
I do not know you, you do not care to know me.
You knock on my window, forcing the heavy cloud of guilt through my veins.
You are feared, because you are unknown.

I grew up in a home where you were not acknowledged.
You are not my responsibility, as I am not your burden to bear.
My concern is my destination, my next task on my personal agenda.
And yet you always seem to show yourself, no matter where I go.

The truth is, I do acknowledge your presence.
You exist to me as another human being, with a mind, body and soul.
I see the mind behind the pitiful gaze, and I honestly wonder what you are thinking as you ask me for help.
Can you blame me for not giving anything?
Do you hate me for not giving?
Do you expect me to help you?

The scarier part of this all is that i think its not just me.
EVERYONE knows that you exist.
Sadly, everyone denies it.
They choose not to be burdened, not to feel bad for the life they live.
Other people can do it so easily, to go on their pursuit for happiness, the way they think they'll find it.
They can do it without your presence to pull them down.
I admire their strength, for I cannot do that.
I cannot sit comfortably in my car while your child is freezing in the rain.
I cannot enjoy a P200 meal when I know it's enough to feed your entire family.
And it makes it difficult for me to live like this.
Especially when I don't know what to do about it.
When there's nothing I can do about it.

This is me being totally honest, and totally alone.

Creed

In an earlier entry, I wrote about my personal convictions. I have several entries about God, faith and religion. And as of today, I'm glad to say that I've made a bit of progress in my personal faith journey. Here goes.


I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of earth.
STOP.
I believe that God is the greatest possible good, the Alpha and the Omega.
The beginning of everything, and the end of everything.
The smallest and the largest possible existent thought possible.
(To make writing easier, I shall refer to God as a 'He')
He is the answer to the unanswerable, the great unknown.
He is everywhere around me, and yet also within me. He is within everyone.

Is he a person? I don't believe that.
Was he a person? I don't know, and it honestly isn't that important to me.

Do I believe in Heaven? I hope it exists, but it isn't the reason I choose to be a good person. The fact that my body could just turn into nothing but dust and that my soul disintegrates into oblivion after I die doesn't really scare me. The existence of Heaven or Hell doesn't affect the way I choose to live my life.

I believe God is a universal force that makes nature as wonderful as it is.
He is the reason sunsets are beautiful and why storms are destructive.
God is the moving force behind nature. God is nature.

So just to clarify, what I mean when I say God is "whatever it/he/she is that is the greatest possible good". And yes, I'm aware that he could totally be just inside my head.

I was born to this family, in this country, in this time period, and only God knows why.
I have never gone hungry, and I have God to thank for placing me in a loving family that provides what I need to survive.
I believe it is God who keeps me safe, and it is God who sends things that make me smile, and things or situations that challenge me.

And so I have every reason to believe in the idea of God, because every day I have something to be thankful for, that I could not have achieved on my own. I am thankful for the life I was given, it's easy.

But then I got to thinking:
Could I have said the same things if I were born into the life of poverty? Would I thank God if he placed me in a totally opposite situation? Apart from the actual gift of life, what else would I be thankful for?

This is me trying to examine how superficial my reasons are for believing what I believe.

I wouldn't be able to convince a homeless person that there is a God that loves them. Simply because my reasoning wouldn't apply to them. My telling a homeless person that there is a God that loves them wouldn't alleviate him from his physical situation.

But then again, if faced with a homeless person or any person in need, I would much rather find ways to help him-- to show that a total stranger can love him. Maybe that will renew his faith in people, and just maybe, think that there is a God that works through people.

I believe God is goodness. God is love. The world is a better place when there are more good people. Happiness, the ultimate goal of every human mind and soul, is brought about only by goodness towards the other. I've come to realize that I do have the gift of faith in me, for I think it requires a certain amount of faith to want to help a complete stranger. And I do sincerely want to help the stranger...somehow. I am fully aware that there is no concrete or direct reward from anyone. To give without expecting anything in return. To be good for the sake of just being good -- you can never get that these days. Some call it generosity, I call it courage. How can you not believe in something as grand as the idea of God, when the simplest acts of kindness from the most unexpected situations can put tears in your eyes? It just goes hand in hand for me.

I don't know. I'm the last person who should be preaching to anyone about anything, and I don't intend to. This is a mere examination of my personal faith, and the conclusions my own god-given logic and reason has led to.

Here's my last statement:
I did nothing to be placed in the fortunate position I was born into, just as a homeless child does not deserve a life of hardship from the moment he/she was born. I believe in using your abilities to better the world, in the best way you can, and that every decision should be based on that. Call it building God's kingdom on earth, call it being a good person, or simply call it 'the pursuit to happiness'. That's the only way I know how.

Faith

I realized last night that I do believe in God...
Because in moments of despair
right before you feel completely and utterly alone,

... you just don't.

Reply

Hi love. Thanks for sending me this entry. It just goes to show that we are still in the stage where we communicate openly and honestly, and I hope that never ever changes. Anyway this is gonna be quite long but bear with me please. I’ve never shared this with anyone else.

I’ve always been one to question religion. I was never a big fan of it. I clearly remember one of the most interesting discussions in high school when one of my radical teachers introduced Nietzsche and his whole “God is dead” idea. After growing up surrounded by rosaries and Christian Living Education, it was shocking, somewhat disturbing, yet totally interesting to hear anti-religious ideas like that. And then we began studying other religions, which drew me to Buddhism and especially Taoism. The way I saw it was, if the majority of the world believes in other gods not named Jesus Christ, who are we to say Christ is the way, the Truth, and the Life? That was the start of my detachment from being a Roman Catholic.

Believe me when I say that we share mostly the same beliefs. We’re both skeptics, basing conclusions on facts that have been tested and proven. It’s why we love the Discovery Channel. It’s why we get along so perfectly well.

Why do we base ideas on facts? It’s just easier, it’s certain. It’s what is quantifiable, visible and just plain real. And being perfectly logical human beings, it’s only natural to rely on reason and logic… although your thoughts are explained way more methodically than mine.

However, unlike you, there came a point during my collegiate years in Ateneo (I make it sound as if that was so long ago.. hehe) where I came to peace with Religion and Christianity and Catholicism. And this is one of the things I appreciate most from going to ADMU, because I don’t know if this would’ve happened if I went to any other school, especially UP. I share this with you not to preach nor impose. It just explains where I come from and since we do think rather similarly, maybe it’ll help you find answers to questions you never even knew you had.

GOD DIDN’T CREATE MAN. MAN CREATED GOD.
The skeptic in me agrees with the statement. I believe man created religion to have answers to questions not meant to be answered. It was supposed to be a tool of hope, a tool that forms communities, uniting everyone to surrender to a higher being, because no man should think he is higher or more deserving than anyone else. The existence of the idea of God humbles us all under the same roof. And man definitely needs humility. Unfortunately, the Church is imperfect because man is imperfect. Its initial function was lost in the middle of evangelization and moneymaking. Religion in the most ideal world could do good. Whether or not it still works in today’s world, I don’t know anymore.

It is true that from a historical point of view, religion has divided the world more than united it. Most of the early wars were because of religious conflict, and the Catholic Church has one of the highest murder rates of all. (Do they beat the Holocaust though? I dunno) And I see how the Church has become one huge money-making operation and the so-called “opium for the masses”. For these reasons and more you really can’t blame people for not believing in organized religion. I know I was never a fan.

Then I opened myself to the fact that maybe there was more to it than that. I thought, before I reject Christianity altogether, I should at least study it, understand it, and make sense out of it, so I can fully KNOW it. It would be sad to reject something you don’t fully understand. So I explored the very roots of where this giant institution came from – logic, faith, wonder. This was during my Theology classes in college. It was probably my better sense of maturity that allowed me to study the topics as if they were fresh. I read the readings with the urge to make sense out of it. I thought to myself: Theologians and scholars are perfectly intelligent people, I have to understand what makes them think and believe what they do. I doubt their faiths were formed blindly. There had to be some mental process involved. The thing I appreciated most from Theology is not that it stressed that we believe in Jesus Christ and the Church—it was that we were recognized as beings blessed with reason and logic, and it is precisely that reason and logic that will lead the way to find God.

I already told you that I learned to appreciate the Catholic Church after learning about Liberation Theology. The reading by Jon Sobrino I wanted you to read can pretty much explain everything I understood to be true about Catholicism. I hope you do find time to read it.

Sure I finally made sense out of Catholicism. This blog entry will say so http://beachbum714.livejournal.com/70187.html. I found a logical reason to believe in a certain aspect of what the Church is there for. And we’ve talked about this several times before. It doesn’t mean that I’ve become a devout Catholic, but there’s a part of Christianity I’ve come to appreciate.

As for Christianity and the whole Born Again movement… I do get offended when you make fun of it. I may not agree with everything they believe and I don’t see myself making the commitment to their church, but like I said, I admire them for their conviction and their amount of faith. I personally know several of the pastors and the active people who run the organization, and I’ve come to know their overly friendly culture as well. They don’t deserve to be mocked, that’s all.

Who is Jesus to me?
I believe he is someone who supposedly existed and if the Bible is true (which of course we can’t be certain either) made a huge impact during his time—an impact so lasting that it trickled down to 2000 years later, forming not one but several movements we call religion that have changed (and I daresay “saved”) the lives of millions around the world. The character the Bible created showed the perfect example for what it means to LOVE which every goodhearted imperfect person will live his life to imitate, making the world a better place. – that’s what I appreciate about Jesus. As for his divinity, honestly, it really isn’t important to me.

The truth is, even if I appreciate what he’s done, it doesn’t mean I have faith. I still don’t get it. If I did, I would share the faith of the faithful – that Jesus is a living force – a father, a friend, brother, lover, etc. What drives the Born Again Church is not the doctrines – they come together to celebrate the personal relationships they have with Jesus as their God. It’s all about the personal relationship. I haven’t fully defined that relationship in my life yet. Maybe because I haven’t reached any craters in my life where I lose the will to live. Maybe I never felt I needed a relationship with God. Whatever the reason, it’s why I still don’t pray on a regular basis.

And so I remain afloat… believing in Love and the goodness of people… believing that I am here for a reason… born with more blessings than I can handle, to which the only person I can thank for that is something or someone I like to call God. As for a proper name for him, be it Jesus or Buddha or Brahma or whatever, I am still open to suggestions. But I will continue to strive to be a good person, to use my talents and skills to make the world a better place, to live simply and to acknowledge the intrinsic good in all that is living.

THAT is what makes me happy. And after that last sentence I can just scrape out the novel I just wrote and say: “WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY”.

I STOP NOW.

Personal Convictions

loveIn a paper written for Theology class dated JUNE 27, 2006.

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My Personal Convictions

At age 20, you’ve supposedly just surpassed the awkward stage of adolescence, where you search far and wide for that identity you never seemed to have. You’ve graduated grade school and high school, where you learn about Science, Math, Civics and Culture, and of course, Christian Living. You now know what “peer pressure” is, not because of your D.A.R.E. classes, but from actual experience. You’ve tried to love and probably lost it, and in turn, you keep trying to get Love figured out. You’ve questioned what or who God is several times over and of course, the inevitable search for the meaning of life.

I’ve done all of this of course. All my years growing up have taught me all sorts of lessons. My perception of what’s right and wrong has modified itself too many times over. I’ve learned that there are so many incidents in life where circumstance dictates what’s right and wrong. Many situations are relative, and the line between right and wrong grows thinner by the day. Even my perception of God is cloudy. To me, God is that Supreme Being, the Universal Spirit that is the sole purpose for everything that occurs. He comes in several names: Christ, Buddha, Brahma, etc. I think what all beliefs have in common is Love. God is LOVE.

I’d like to think I am spiritual, but I am not so religious. I am not a very devout Catholic. Honestly, I hardly pray at night. The only religious thing I am still doing is attending mass every Sunday with my family. I hardly attend confession and I haven’t opened the Bible in a very long time. I also do not believe that one will go to hell if he does not believe in Jesus Christ, because I believe in the natural goodness of people. I believe that a person can still be a good person even if he does not attend mass on Sundays, or if he doesn’t open the Bible. I’ve learned that there are 3 relationships you juggle in life: one with God, with others, and yourself. I’ve been focusing more on the latter two; I have yet to find a solid relationship with God.

Although my relationship with God is quite vague, I do have my personal convictions, and these beliefs are what I have stood for, and what guides my decisions.

• I believe in TRUTH and HONESTY above all others. I try my best to avoid lying. I believe that the need to lie simply means there is something wrong with your relationship with that person. I try not to give myself any reason to lie to people. Goodness is Truthful, because we are naturally inclined toward the good. Everything follows from there.
• I stand for SIMPLICITY because it is NATURAL. I love nature, and the environment. I am actively against pollution and wasting resources. I look down upon technological dependence and urban living. I choose not to spend on useless belongings, especially when it comes to fashion and gadgets, unless absolutely necessary. I shop once in a blue moon solely at tiangges (Divisoria!), and I avoid make-up.
• I believe in doing things that make me GROW as a person. I believe in developing talents and skills, and making the most out of every situation.
• I believe that it is good to stand back and reflect about things, to not always be swayed by the flowing river of modern living.
• It is absolutely necessary to respect every living creature—animals, plants, and especially human beings.
• I will NEVER spend for vices. Alcohol, rarely.
• I have no right to complain about my life, for I try to keep in mind that there are millions of people who have it a lot worse. I am forever GRATEFUL for all my blessings.

All that one needs to survive the ever changing road of life (Taken from my personal journal):

1. HONESTY. To others and especially myself.
2. AN OPEN MIND. I know that I do NOT know (everything). (Socrates)
3. LOVE. The genuine concern for others.
4. CONVICTION. As mentioned above
5. PATIENCE. Patience is everything.

I am just about to embark on the 2^nd quarter of my life, and I still have so much to learn. I hope my personal convictions hold true to the many tests that lie ahead. So help me God, wherever or whoever You may be.

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