Onward to 2010

Hello new year. Once again it's time to get things into perspective.. to once again look back at the past year, whether or not I accomplished what I set out to do.. and then plan for the year ahead.

So to recap my 2009 goals based on last year's recap:

• Keep your hair short -- CHECK
• Take care of your relationships: Love, family, friends -- CHECK?
• Make more friends -- CHECK
• Find a new sport/hobby -- Salsa! Badminton! Check!
• Get a tattoo -- Every year this is here.. every year unchecked.
• Stay fit -- run more -- Well, I lost weight if that's good news.
• Stick to no beef/pork diet - CHECK.. with the occasional must-try meals
• Save money -- BUDGET -- CHECK
• Find alternative ways to earn money -- CHECK
• LOCATIONS: Sagada, Vigan, Pagudpud, Lanuza, Samar, Siquijor -- DIDN'T GO TO ANY OF THE ABOVE

Okay, so at least I can say I got most goals checked. One technique to accomplishment is to keep your goals simple and realistic.  Helps me not feel like such a fat failure too.

SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS of 2009

1. Left Stoked (Aug)
2. A taste of the provincial life with one month in Siargao (Oct)
3. Made an enemy in the surf (July)
4. Smart Ad (paid for my unemployed months)
5. Tara, Alexis and Nika (Rest in peace) (Sept)
6. Trip to Singapore with Bri (June)
7. New laptop (July)
8. Trip to Bali with Abe (Feb)
9. Getting into salsa and dancing for the Manila International Salsa Festival (June - Nov)
10. Winning 4th at the MSA comp (Jan)
11. Typhoon Ondoy destroys Manila (Sept)

Not bad for 2009.. not much either. A year of tragedies and little achievements.

So reality check for 2010: I have a new job and not that much money.  What can I do this year?

• Do your absolute best with the new job (Try getting promoted within one year!)
• Trips already booked: KL-Vietnam-Bangkok in March, another month in Siargao in October
• Paris and other spots in Europe for 2 months? (July-Aug)
• Keep your eyes open for money-making opportunities, or ANY opportunities
• Invest in ASSETS (Thank you, Rich Dad)
• Stay healthy, stay fit
• Keep in touch with friends
• If you want to go do something, JUST DO IT.
• Keep smiling
• Get into more volunteer nonprofit work (at least one project!)

There you have it.. simple.. reasonable.. attainable. Good luck to me, and good luck to us all.

Creed

In an earlier entry, I wrote about my personal convictions. I have several entries about God, faith and religion. And as of today, I'm glad to say that I've made a bit of progress in my personal faith journey. Here goes.


I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of earth.
STOP.
I believe that God is the greatest possible good, the Alpha and the Omega.
The beginning of everything, and the end of everything.
The smallest and the largest possible existent thought possible.
(To make writing easier, I shall refer to God as a 'He')
He is the answer to the unanswerable, the great unknown.
He is everywhere around me, and yet also within me. He is within everyone.

Is he a person? I don't believe that.
Was he a person? I don't know, and it honestly isn't that important to me.

Do I believe in Heaven? I hope it exists, but it isn't the reason I choose to be a good person. The fact that my body could just turn into nothing but dust and that my soul disintegrates into oblivion after I die doesn't really scare me. The existence of Heaven or Hell doesn't affect the way I choose to live my life.

I believe God is a universal force that makes nature as wonderful as it is.
He is the reason sunsets are beautiful and why storms are destructive.
God is the moving force behind nature. God is nature.

So just to clarify, what I mean when I say God is "whatever it/he/she is that is the greatest possible good". And yes, I'm aware that he could totally be just inside my head.

I was born to this family, in this country, in this time period, and only God knows why.
I have never gone hungry, and I have God to thank for placing me in a loving family that provides what I need to survive.
I believe it is God who keeps me safe, and it is God who sends things that make me smile, and things or situations that challenge me.

And so I have every reason to believe in the idea of God, because every day I have something to be thankful for, that I could not have achieved on my own. I am thankful for the life I was given, it's easy.

But then I got to thinking:
Could I have said the same things if I were born into the life of poverty? Would I thank God if he placed me in a totally opposite situation? Apart from the actual gift of life, what else would I be thankful for?

This is me trying to examine how superficial my reasons are for believing what I believe.

I wouldn't be able to convince a homeless person that there is a God that loves them. Simply because my reasoning wouldn't apply to them. My telling a homeless person that there is a God that loves them wouldn't alleviate him from his physical situation.

But then again, if faced with a homeless person or any person in need, I would much rather find ways to help him-- to show that a total stranger can love him. Maybe that will renew his faith in people, and just maybe, think that there is a God that works through people.

I believe God is goodness. God is love. The world is a better place when there are more good people. Happiness, the ultimate goal of every human mind and soul, is brought about only by goodness towards the other. I've come to realize that I do have the gift of faith in me, for I think it requires a certain amount of faith to want to help a complete stranger. And I do sincerely want to help the stranger...somehow. I am fully aware that there is no concrete or direct reward from anyone. To give without expecting anything in return. To be good for the sake of just being good -- you can never get that these days. Some call it generosity, I call it courage. How can you not believe in something as grand as the idea of God, when the simplest acts of kindness from the most unexpected situations can put tears in your eyes? It just goes hand in hand for me.

I don't know. I'm the last person who should be preaching to anyone about anything, and I don't intend to. This is a mere examination of my personal faith, and the conclusions my own god-given logic and reason has led to.

Here's my last statement:
I did nothing to be placed in the fortunate position I was born into, just as a homeless child does not deserve a life of hardship from the moment he/she was born. I believe in using your abilities to better the world, in the best way you can, and that every decision should be based on that. Call it building God's kingdom on earth, call it being a good person, or simply call it 'the pursuit to happiness'. That's the only way I know how.

Why Tourism?

So, what do you intend to do with your degree in Tourism Development?

A very intelligent and practical person asked me this question after learning of my intentions to study abroad. Naturally, I was stumped.

I don't know exactly what I want to do, but I do know that I want to contribute to this disintegrating nation's development thru the avenue of Tourism. I love telling people about the Philippines. I hate that the world thinks that we are a nation of household help, corrupt politicians and terrorists. I have traveled and lived in this country enough to know that it is more than just beautiful, that it has sites far more interesting than those of other Southeast Asian countries. I want the world to see that this country has more to offer than just good mangoes.

In turn, people will visit these places, specifically outside of Manila, and bring livelihood opportunities to the people. Filipinos will use their natural hospitability to develop simple resorts, restaurants, or simple lodging facilities to accomodate guests. They will show them their local delicacies, develop a taste for perfecting their local products to please guests. They will learn to perfect their artisan skills -- weaving, carving, painting -- to make things that are more useful than a mere souvenir. Tourists will bring money. Money will circulate in places outside of Manila. Rural Filipinos will have less reason to squeeze into the big dirty city just to join the rat race for minimum wage jobs. More importantly, the Filipinos will learn to be proud of what they have to offer. And that pride will develop into a deeper love for their country, which will make them not want to leave it just to offer their skills to make another country richer.

I always knew that if I were to do business, it would have to be export, so that I bring money into the economy instead of out. Tourism is just another way to do just that.

Traveling is what I love, and it is what has made me this friggin idealistic and optimistic about my own country. I just hope that by working in this field, I can let others see the same.

I don't see myself working as a hotel employee (unless under the development side) nor as a flight attendant (why take tourism if you're just gonna serve coffee?). Maybe I could manage a resort, or even start one... Maybe I can apply to the Department of Tourism, but then any sensible citizen knows that working for the government is NOT a smart idea... Maybe I could start a tour company.. starting with one area before the whole country... I don't know.

Working in this industry...... somehow.

To Quit or Not to Quit

So I've been seriously contemplating suicide over the last few weeks and... oh wait did I say suicide? I meant to say RESIGNING FROM MY JOB. Its funny how you can so easily interchange the two as they seem so alike to some.

Anyway, I've been seriously contemplating quitting already. Allow me to write down all the contemplation thoughts, for it might just lead to a decision. You never know.

The good news is that I know what I want my next step to be: To experience short-term living in another country, and to study a course that will equip me with the proper skills needed to really do what I want to do.

In other words, STUDY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

Don't get me wrong. Unlike some kids with the same goal, I have every intention of coming back home, to use everything I learned to better my own country somehow. I just feel I NEED to get out to a foreign land and live on my own -- to adjust to a new way of life, hundreds of miles away from my comfort zone that is the Philippines. I know so many people who've done it, and I can't help but be jealous.

In fact, I've decided the best means for me to live in another country is through study and not work, because it has more assurance that I return home after.

And so I've been using our crappy (but free, nonetheless) internet connection in the office for research on schools, courses and scholarship opportunities for the ff courses:

International Sustainable Tourism Development,
Natural Resource Management,
and similar courses thereafter.

It's quite difficult when you have these questions in mind:

1. Which country do you choose? I've been leaning towards Australia, but Hawaii or anywhere else wouldn't be bad either. Just anywhere but the US and the chinese countries really.
2. How in the world do you determine which school to apply to? Every school will claim to be the best if you look online.
3. How in the world am I going to pay for this? Scholarship hunting, here I come.

So first things first. These are things I can do as early as now.

1. Get your diploma and Transcript from Ateneo.
2. Apply for TOEFL or IELTS, pay $170, and pass the goddamn test with flying colors.
3. Keep on looking.

NOW, the question is, can or should I quit my job already?

YES, because 1, it's getting you nowhere, and will get you nowhere;
and 2, it's taking up time that you could use making these applications;

NO, because 1, it's your only constant source of income at the moment.

This is what's gonna happen if I stay with my job:

• I'll continue to go to work everyday from 6-9pm, feel like an idiot at the office, and get paid.
• I get my very first calling card. (Big whoop)

And if I quit,

• From "Wow, you work at Stoked? That's so cool!", to "You left Stoked!?! WHY?!?!!!!"
• I will have to look for other ways to earn while filing my applications, which won't even guarantee instant enrollment. I could be idle for a very long time. Alternate temporary options: commercial modeling, travel writing, teaching surfing
• No more free trip to Siargao
• No more free wakeboarding
  

If it's anything I'm thankful for, it's the people I've met, indirectly thanks to my job. I wouldn't have been exposed to the surfing, skating, and wakeboard world (although I know I'd still be doing these things). If I didn't work at Stoked, I would never have proposed to Abe that night of the Aloha opening. So many things I'm thankful for, so no regrets whatsoever.


... I need to talk to my mother and ask her what she thinks. Unfortunately, her opinion does, and always will matter. But she's always wanted me to quit this job and find other options abroad. I just wonder if she'll allow me to quit with nothing sure to fall back on.

...

This is why people pray for guidance.

Happy Switch ON

My head has been a firehouse of thoughts, emotions, and conclusions lately. I haven't been smiling much, nor laughing. I've become a bore to hang out with, and I honestly don't know how he can stand being with me all the time. (That's one way I know he really loves me, PHEW!)

So I've been restless and anxious for the last few months, ever since the one year deadline I gave myself working at this company passed. I've been wanting to find other options, with the notion that I'm ready to move on with my still-undetermined lifepath. As simple a life I want to live, it's still a slapping truth that staying with this company, whether or not I excel, will not earn me enough. Sure I live simply--still no shopping, no excess gadgets, budget meals, etc-- but I also love to travel, and it's a sad fact that traveling costs moolah-- moolah that's soon to run out if I don't start saving.

The goal was simple -- find a job that ALLOWS you to travel. And I still want that. I still want to experience living in another country temporarily. I want to be lost in translation (ok maybe not), living on my own, immersing into a world totally different from my own.

As much as I love getting lost, it sucks to be lost in your very own home.

So I've been in this "lost" state for months now... and it's still not getting me anywhere.

I choose to be happy. And here are the many reasons why:

1. Screw job dissatisfaction. I'm happy I even have a job. Not just that, I have a fun job coveted by many. Sure, I don't get paid enough. But while I'm still sitting in this desk, might as well perform the best way that I can.
2. Desperately waiting for something that you're not even sure will come is useless. Life is still going on all around you, you should still enjoy it. There are still things to do, bills to pay, and people to love. This doesn't mean I'm losing hope; I would just rather amuse myself with a crossword puzzle while waiting for my big flight than do nothing at all.
   
3. I'm just tired of not smiling.

25 Things I didn't Post on Facebook

Everyone in the social networking world including myself shared 25 random facts about themselves. The more entertaining your list, the better. Of course there are millions of random tidbits I could write -- some useless, some funny, some just plain random.

I just want to do it again, without the pressure of having to delight whoever will read it. Here goes...

1. I once stopped liking a guy when I found out he didn't enjoy desserts.
2. I am a horrible sister. I'm nice to everyone in the world except my sister. I'm improving as we're getting older, thank God.
3. I hate wasting time. I should clarify that doing nothing doesn't necessarily mean wasting time. Wasting time is doing something for a reason you don't even like or need.
4. I don't wear watches because they make me feel constrained.
5. I live by the philosophy that I was very fortunate to be born in a comfortable sphere. I didn't do anything to deserve that (unless you believe in past lives), just as people who are born into poverty didn't deserve it either. Now I try to live my life in such a way that'll make me worthy to have everything I was blessed with.
6. I am my own worst critic. I used to record my singing voice and dissect what was wrong. I also do it with performance videos and articles I write. I want to be the first to pinpoint faults before other people do. But I'm always open to criticism from others. If there's something you don't like about me, for the love of God, just tell me.
   
7. I've realized lately that I do believe in the concept of God-- that that which nothing greater can be thought. God is responsible for everything that is out of my control. Call him a spirit, a force, a friend or a Father, I just know that I didn't get to where I am on my own, and I thank "God" for that. And I think everyone's relationship with "God" is different.
   
8. My pager number was 1277-13190. My ICQ number was 14145391. And I remember when our landline number was 702979 and 786382 (only 6 digits)
   
9. One day I will shave my head. I will I will I will.
10. I have nothing but respect for those who work with charities and NGOs. How I wish I had your courage to follow your passion.
11. I have always suffered from the conflict of my skills vs interests. I was always better at Math, but I wish I was better at art.
12. Right now I'm not doing anything to alleviate the less fortunate, but I try to compensate by living as simply as possible. I don't know if that helps, but it's all I can do for now.
    
13. My whole life I've been told I was pretty, therefore I spent my entire life trying to prove there's more to me than that.
14. The most I've cried in my entire life was when my shih tzu named Checkers was dognapped from our house. He was my first dog and I was 10 when we got him. Up to now I still have dreams that he shows up at our doorstep.
15. How can I be good at business when I have no desire to make a lot of money?
16. I would kiss a rat before even touching a cochroach.
17. I wish I could live under the sea forever. If you haven't seen a thriving Philippine coral reef 80ft under the ocean surface, you haven't seen anything.
18. I don't date perfect looking guys. Ok, maybe just ONE date, but that's about it.
    
19. I don't like swimming pools unless they're deep with a good diving board. Otherwise it's just plain boring.
    
20. If I don't sweat massively or do anything physically strenuous at least once a week, I get grumpy.
21. I thoroughly enjoy the company of the "weird".
22. I don't carry a makeup pouch in my bag, but I always have bandaids.
23. I miss pole vaulting and I wish that non-basketball sports careers were an actual option in this country.
24. I have this theory that the amount of space in our brain is a fixed number. As more information comes in, others are pushed out. But there are memories that were embedded early enough for them to be stacked in so deep that they'll never go away. It also explains why I would read so many encyclopedia-type books as a child--I was trying to fill the empty space in my brain. And now that I'm older, I don't have that same thirst for knowledge... although I still try. It's harder to learn things as you get older.
    
25. I deeply appreciate the education I got from Ateneo, I just wish the values they tried to emphasize could be instilled in every graduate. I still wish I took up Marine Biology for college.