To Quit or Not to Quit

So I've been seriously contemplating suicide over the last few weeks and... oh wait did I say suicide? I meant to say RESIGNING FROM MY JOB. Its funny how you can so easily interchange the two as they seem so alike to some.

Anyway, I've been seriously contemplating quitting already. Allow me to write down all the contemplation thoughts, for it might just lead to a decision. You never know.

The good news is that I know what I want my next step to be: To experience short-term living in another country, and to study a course that will equip me with the proper skills needed to really do what I want to do.

In other words, STUDY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

Don't get me wrong. Unlike some kids with the same goal, I have every intention of coming back home, to use everything I learned to better my own country somehow. I just feel I NEED to get out to a foreign land and live on my own -- to adjust to a new way of life, hundreds of miles away from my comfort zone that is the Philippines. I know so many people who've done it, and I can't help but be jealous.

In fact, I've decided the best means for me to live in another country is through study and not work, because it has more assurance that I return home after.

And so I've been using our crappy (but free, nonetheless) internet connection in the office for research on schools, courses and scholarship opportunities for the ff courses:

International Sustainable Tourism Development,
Natural Resource Management,
and similar courses thereafter.

It's quite difficult when you have these questions in mind:

1. Which country do you choose? I've been leaning towards Australia, but Hawaii or anywhere else wouldn't be bad either. Just anywhere but the US and the chinese countries really.
2. How in the world do you determine which school to apply to? Every school will claim to be the best if you look online.
3. How in the world am I going to pay for this? Scholarship hunting, here I come.

So first things first. These are things I can do as early as now.

1. Get your diploma and Transcript from Ateneo.
2. Apply for TOEFL or IELTS, pay $170, and pass the goddamn test with flying colors.
3. Keep on looking.

NOW, the question is, can or should I quit my job already?

YES, because 1, it's getting you nowhere, and will get you nowhere;
and 2, it's taking up time that you could use making these applications;

NO, because 1, it's your only constant source of income at the moment.

This is what's gonna happen if I stay with my job:

• I'll continue to go to work everyday from 6-9pm, feel like an idiot at the office, and get paid.
• I get my very first calling card. (Big whoop)

And if I quit,

• From "Wow, you work at Stoked? That's so cool!", to "You left Stoked!?! WHY?!?!!!!"
• I will have to look for other ways to earn while filing my applications, which won't even guarantee instant enrollment. I could be idle for a very long time. Alternate temporary options: commercial modeling, travel writing, teaching surfing
• No more free trip to Siargao
• No more free wakeboarding
  

If it's anything I'm thankful for, it's the people I've met, indirectly thanks to my job. I wouldn't have been exposed to the surfing, skating, and wakeboard world (although I know I'd still be doing these things). If I didn't work at Stoked, I would never have proposed to Abe that night of the Aloha opening. So many things I'm thankful for, so no regrets whatsoever.


... I need to talk to my mother and ask her what she thinks. Unfortunately, her opinion does, and always will matter. But she's always wanted me to quit this job and find other options abroad. I just wonder if she'll allow me to quit with nothing sure to fall back on.

...

This is why people pray for guidance.