Restlessly Happy

Jone Johnson Lewis:

The human condition is that we are individuals in relationship, and there are tensions between individuality and relatedness. A humanist spirituality is not one of complete dependence, nor of complete independence -- neither condition can be defended as primary. Rather, a humanist spirituality is one of interdependence.

How are you?

My consistent answer: "Restlessly happy"

Over the last 6 months, I've been in love with the Traveler. I mentioned him once and I'll update this blog today. This will explain why I've been missing from the online blog world for quite some time (despite my overly updated Facebook profile). Ironically, my recent entries were all celebrating my single life and how I told myself I'd stick to it for as long as I can. God really has a peculiar way of acting. He throws things at you before you even know you want it, before you even think you NEED it. I didn't want a relationship, yet I meet someone that seems to be everything I've ever dreamed of in a person. The romantic in me gave way. This one doesn't come around very often.

It's the first time I'm with someone with Marriage as the end in mind. It's no longer the temporary just-for-now-while-its-convenient-for-bo

th-of-us kind of thing. I hate that I've said this before, but this really is different, and for the first time ever, I can say this one will be hard to lose. I'm in this because I could be severely hurt, because he could be my first heartbreak... and of course, because we really do get along overwhelmingly well.

Here are a few of the many positive changes that have occured in the last 6 months. These are reasons I've been HAPPY lately, with myself and with him:

• Traveling out of town every chance we get.. Siargao, Camiguin, Baguio, La Union, Pinatubo, etc
• Friend network expansion, especially in the surf community
• Skateboarding - now one of my favorite pastimes.
• New ideas, new books, new movies
• I bought a surfboard -- my first 5 digit expense for myself
• I still get to wear slippers to work
• The security and comfort you get from loving and being loved

On the other hand, just like in economics, there are tradeoffs to everything. In exchange for my blossoming love life, I've also been RESTLESS for several reasons

• I've been away from my online blog semi-life for months.. only updating my handwritten journal when I rarely find time. (Haven't decided what this implies though)
• I haven't finished any of the books I started,
• I seen my family and Cucumberd friends less
• Much less external opportunities to find new hobbies
• Less drive to find a job abroad... (I still want to do it, but I'll admit less than before)
• Still lost career-wise, earning just enough to live day by day with very little savings.
• I still don't think I'm doing my job well at all...

For these reasons I told him I needed to be more independent... I feel as if I'm losing myself somewhat in the middle of all the happiness... if that's even possible. I miss my alone time, my not-needing-anyone-else-to-be-happy time. I miss time spent at home. I miss my Cucumberd friends. I miss reading, and I miss sports. I miss my drive to learn and the things I would end up doing due to boredom. Whether or not I can have these all while still being with him, I don't know.. which is why I asked for a few days off.

Whatever happened to my dreams of becoming a Marine Biologist? New idea: Take up Engineering and develop sustainable designs (inspired by 11th Hour). The treehugger in me has been poking me at the back of my head and I don't know what to do about it.