Back from the Islands

DISCLAIMER: This blog entry is written for myself, for personal documentation purposes only. You're not expected to relate, whoever you are.

Nine days in the remote island of Siargao well spent.. 9 days of supposed work, surf, explorations, parties, and personal encounters. I went there for the 2008 Billabong Cloud9 Invitational, thanks to the very fortunate coincidence that the company I work for sponsored it. However, I was able to extend my stay for more than the 7-day competition window, as I personally wanted to see more of the island, as well as spend time with friends there.

I'm only writing now to document quite an interesting trip it was for me personally. At that very moment I left for Siargao, there were several things I wanted to accomplish:

• for myself: surf with my new longboard for the first time (and get better at surfing)
• for job 1: help out with whatever work has to be done, although minimal
• for job 2: see and experience enough to accomplish a good travel article about the island
• for myself: overcome or maybe accomplish that sense of independence despite being in a relationship
• for him: spend time with him in his home turf.

With all of this in mind, the event ongoing, plus everyone who was there, including the very boyfriend I was trying to somewhat detach from, I ended up mixing around my 3 functions there, which resulted in a whirlwind of emotions bottled up inside me. I wanted to prove to my boss that I was useful and worth sending to the island, I wanted to experience the island without his help, I wanted to surf.

The trip had its major highs which involved either a good surf session or a pristine swim with stingless jellyfish, as well as major lows involving me breaking down at midnight and walking along the pitchblack road pissed off at myself for not being able to withstand certain sleeping conditions.

A big part of me forgot that I was there for the competition itself, because it meant sacrificing certain hours that could have been spent surfing or traveling around. It all came down on me when I missed the finals of the competition--possibly the most exciting finals EVER, as our very own local team rider won. I cried my heart out for missing it, and I guess this is me trying to figure out why I reacted so extremely.

Normally a trip to a place like this would mean consistently happy days, as you are always discovering, relaxing and having fun. Guess its different when other things are involved such as work.

Lesson learned: PMS is a bitch.

Magis my Ass.

This morning I dropped my sister to school. Its been months since I last entered the premises of my alma mater, and apart from some new buildings and cobblestone roads, NOTHING'S changed.

As I was on my way driving out, there was a Pajero in front of me, with an arm that sticks out of the right side and flicks a used cigarette onto the dry grass.

I drive ahead of it, and wasn't surprised to see 2 male students sitting in the front seats in shades with their windows down.

Anger, frustration, but mostly disappointment entered my head.

First of all, YOU SHOULDN'T BE SMOKING. It's a non-smoking campus. Thats what those "smocket gardens" are for goddamit.

Secondly, DON'T THROW YOUR BUTT ON DRY GRASS!! It's not just littering, it's DANGEROUS!! That's how forest fires are started you idiot.

Thirdly, (and this is for ADMU), whatever it is you're trying to teach your 1st-rate-educated-elite is NOT working. They are still as ignorant as ever.

Gaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Restlessly Happy

Jone Johnson Lewis:

The human condition is that we are individuals in relationship, and there are tensions between individuality and relatedness. A humanist spirituality is not one of complete dependence, nor of complete independence -- neither condition can be defended as primary. Rather, a humanist spirituality is one of interdependence.

How are you?

My consistent answer: "Restlessly happy"

Over the last 6 months, I've been in love with the Traveler. I mentioned him once and I'll update this blog today. This will explain why I've been missing from the online blog world for quite some time (despite my overly updated Facebook profile). Ironically, my recent entries were all celebrating my single life and how I told myself I'd stick to it for as long as I can. God really has a peculiar way of acting. He throws things at you before you even know you want it, before you even think you NEED it. I didn't want a relationship, yet I meet someone that seems to be everything I've ever dreamed of in a person. The romantic in me gave way. This one doesn't come around very often.

It's the first time I'm with someone with Marriage as the end in mind. It's no longer the temporary just-for-now-while-its-convenient-for-bo

th-of-us kind of thing. I hate that I've said this before, but this really is different, and for the first time ever, I can say this one will be hard to lose. I'm in this because I could be severely hurt, because he could be my first heartbreak... and of course, because we really do get along overwhelmingly well.

Here are a few of the many positive changes that have occured in the last 6 months. These are reasons I've been HAPPY lately, with myself and with him:

• Traveling out of town every chance we get.. Siargao, Camiguin, Baguio, La Union, Pinatubo, etc
• Friend network expansion, especially in the surf community
• Skateboarding - now one of my favorite pastimes.
• New ideas, new books, new movies
• I bought a surfboard -- my first 5 digit expense for myself
• I still get to wear slippers to work
• The security and comfort you get from loving and being loved

On the other hand, just like in economics, there are tradeoffs to everything. In exchange for my blossoming love life, I've also been RESTLESS for several reasons

• I've been away from my online blog semi-life for months.. only updating my handwritten journal when I rarely find time. (Haven't decided what this implies though)
• I haven't finished any of the books I started,
• I seen my family and Cucumberd friends less
• Much less external opportunities to find new hobbies
• Less drive to find a job abroad... (I still want to do it, but I'll admit less than before)
• Still lost career-wise, earning just enough to live day by day with very little savings.
• I still don't think I'm doing my job well at all...

For these reasons I told him I needed to be more independent... I feel as if I'm losing myself somewhat in the middle of all the happiness... if that's even possible. I miss my alone time, my not-needing-anyone-else-to-be-happy time. I miss time spent at home. I miss my Cucumberd friends. I miss reading, and I miss sports. I miss my drive to learn and the things I would end up doing due to boredom. Whether or not I can have these all while still being with him, I don't know.. which is why I asked for a few days off.

Whatever happened to my dreams of becoming a Marine Biologist? New idea: Take up Engineering and develop sustainable designs (inspired by 11th Hour). The treehugger in me has been poking me at the back of my head and I don't know what to do about it.