I've been planning this month long sabbatical to Siargao since June. I was to spend my whole October there.. and so I booked my ticket as soon as Cebupac went on sale last July..
Come September 26, 2009, the most destructive tropical storm in 4 decades decides to pass thru Metro Manila, dumping a month's worth of rainfall in a matter of 6 hours, drowning entire cities and leaving hundreds of thousands homeless and nearly hopeless. During this entire ordeal, I was one of the minority of the city whose house was left high and dry. I could only watch all the chaos on TV and the net as I sat comfortably on my dry chair. I went to sleep on my overly soft and DRY bed, as thousands of others were spending the night freezing on their roofs.
Sure, I was thankful that our place was spared.. but the feeling that dominated was sympathy and guilt. A part of me wished I was there suffering with everyone else, and now that I think about it, it was because the more I stayed free from harm, the larger my obligation to help had become. I wanted to gather clothes and food to give. I wanted to step out and use my athletic skills to join the rescue efforts I was seeing on TV. But I didn't have a car.. I didn't know where to start.. I didn't know which organization to call. The orgs I was closest to, such as Ateneo, had more than enough volunteers. Red Cross and the big media groups seemed overflowing with volunteers as seen on TV. I didn't want to be one of those people in a long line just passing a bag from the person in front to the next. I was to leave Manila for a month in the next few days. I also had to prepare for my trip. But I had to make some effort to help. The day after the storm I bought P500 worth of powdered milk to donate. On Monday, I dropped by Mt Carmel Church to see how I could help. I helped pack rice into some bags... even if they already had someone else to do it. The evacuees there had left already. We went back home soon after.
Some people have gotten sick of watching the news because it made them depressed. I felt that since I hadn't done much to help, I wanted to watch all the sad news on TV and read all the horror tales and look at all the pictures and videos posted online to make myself feel worse, perhaps so I felt I was "suffering" along with everyone else. I shed tears several times from these things.
"One good deed is better than a thousand good intentions."
I had every intention to help, but not enough willpower. As scheduled, I had left for Cebu a few days after the storm, leaving behind disaster-stricken Manila and all the relief operations still very much active. I've always wanted to get away from the chaotic city life of Manila, but I couldn't help but feel that I left Manila during the time I felt it needed me most. And for this reason, I can't seem to forgive myself.
"dont worry, wrapping relief goods is the easy thing. You are built for something harder where ordinary people will struggle"
Words of extreme comfort from a friend just now.
Hopefully when I get back from Siargao there will still be something I can do.
