After the Wake

Everyone has their thoughts piling up in their heads, this is my attempt to lessen my cranial load.

I woke up yesterday morning with one of the most shocking news in my life (the other being the night when my friend was shot on the eve of her birthday, rest in peace Tara.)  We've all heard the story, another one of irreconcilable injustice, that which makes me angry, yet expects me to go on living. (Here's the first News Article about it)

I met Alexis in 2003 in Boracay and would see him by chance maybe once every year in the most random places, like film fests.  We were probably better friends online, when we used to share blog entries and the occasional chats of interesting idea exchange.  I would then see him on TV and read his articles online with the success of his endeavors for Philippine Cinema.  But I won't exaggerate and say were close, it just so happened that he went to Siargao with Nika and Mia to meet Abe, and as Abe's girlfriend, I just so happen to have been there for the send-off dinner for Nika the night it happened. It was only my second time to see Nika.

You don't have to be a close friend to be severely affected by what happened.  Coming home from a lively dinner and dessert night marked by sharing laughs, memories of Siargao, opinions on Mar Roxas stepping down and the rest of our political carnival, Alexis' take on piracy, business ideas, and many other random yet significant topics, I went to bed like any other night -- tired, content, happy, and safe -- only to be awaken by news that will probably never make me feel the same way again.  None of us saw it coming, no omens, no signs, nothing... FOR WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD THINK THAT THEY WOULD BE KILLED IN THE SAFETY OF THEIR OWN HOME?

And then there are the "Could-have-happened's":  If Nika didn't say she was tired, Mia would've come in the house after dropping them to watch a movie.  If Abe's friends weren't already waiting in his house after our dinner, we could've gone to Eggy's house with them to pick up a DVD of a film Abe wanted to see. It could've happened...

I got home last night after the wake feeling unsettled, eerie, and paranoid. This could've happened in ANY household, including my own. It just takes one person who is welcomed into a home yet harbors other intentions. I can't begin to imagine how Nika's family is doing... entrusting her daughter to live all the way in 3rd world Philippines, excitedly awaiting her return. It's just too sad.

More than sad, this incident has made me angry. I have tried to live my life upholding a healthy amount of faith in the goodness of the stranger-- a belief that people are inherently good.  But stories like Tara and now Eggy and Nika make it harder and harder.  Whats worse is, unlike Tara's murder with a random holdupper, this one was caused by their household help, someone they thought they could trust. It's hard to accept that evil like this persists in the world, and even harder to think that some can actually get away with it.  (A part of me wishes I could lead the investigation because we have no idea how "brilliant" our own investigators really are.)  I just became a little less optimistic, (or maybe a little less naive) about the future of this world.  We really are going to shit and if the world ends in whatever way, we probably deserve it.

I'm getting emotional. Back to Eggy and Nika.

It's unfortunate that I'm learning more about Eggy and Nikka through tributes and articles that have been spread to celebrate their memory.  How I wish I would've gotten to know them more on my own terms.  But from their own stories, although short-lived, I have made friends that I will never ever forget.

So to Alexis / Eggy / Aleggy (as Abe cleverly coined) and lovely Nika, if I had known that I this would happen:


To Nika, I would have told you that I think you're really pretty, and that you're the most interesting Slovenian I have and probably will ever meet.  And that I hope to visit you when I go to Slovenia one day. And I was really looking forward to surfing with you as soon as you got back in December.

To Alexis, I would have probably asked you for a list of all the must-sees of Philippine cinema. And if we hung out more after that, eventually I would've tried to get you to eat healthier.
I would've told you both that I truly admire and respect your courage for pursuing your loves for cinema.  You have showed me that you can start from what you love and make something from there. It is truly inspiring and I say this with no BS because I have yet to find that first step to make my life a little more significant to the rest of the world, and I have been trying to absorb all that I can from other people's life stories. My friend Nicola will know what I'm talking about.


It's still surreal, and I don't know if it will ever sink in.  How can you accept the loss of friends that you had just met? I mourn for the loss of two new friends that don't need a lifetime of memories to know they were amazing and remarkable human beings.  I mourn for the loss of what could have been.

May justice be served on those that deserve it.


Rest in peace, Eggy and Nika. In the few days I've known you, you have changed my life. And more importantly, in your years on this earth, you have changed the world, one way or another.